Day of the Daleks

Oh hey, oh my, oh wow, faithful viewer! Look who’s back after all these years! It’s our favorite shouty pepperpots, the most adorable genocidal maniacs you’ll ever see! The Daleks are back on the show at long last, and for the first time face the Third Doctor! You know, I was really starting to miss these little buggers. I mean, we haven’t seen them since the Patrick Troughton serial, “The Evil of the Daleks.” Do you realize how long ago that was? That was the serial where Victoria first appeared. Victoria! It was that long ago, and boy am I glad to see them again. It’s just not Doctor Who without the Daleks, is it?

And besides, the presence of the Daleks is a sure indication that this is one serial where we won’t have to put up with the damn Master, as we’ve had to do for the past several serials. At long last! I’m so tired of that kid, you have no idea. He needs a nice long break to hang out on a beach somewhere and think of a scheme that ACTUALLY WORKS.

In this serial, it’s quickly established that the fate of the free world rests on the outcome of a certain diplomatic conference between the world powers. This is confirmed by the arrival of several alien parties, who are all determined to see that it either succeeds or blows up completely. The Daleks, who are ostensibly following the orders of a Controller (please excuse me while I titter), are hell-bent on stopping the conference for the same reason that a time-travelling guerilla squad are intent on making sure it goes off without a hitch: because this conference will determine whether or not the human race becomes enslaved by the Daleks following the outbreak of World War Three.

After their little vacation from our screens, the Daleks have undergone several changes in design. They look incredible: much more sleek and sophisticated than when we last saw them. They’ve also got new voice modulators, which unfortunately are not as incredible as the design. If I’m completely honest, they’re terrible. In addition, they’ve somehow acquired some slave labor in the form of Ogrons, which are green hairy beasts that look like characters from Charlton Heston’s worst nightmare. However, that’s ultimately neither here nor there. The Daleks are back, and they’re just as ruthless and impassive as before. One of the Daleks, incidentally, has a great line when asked if he intends to kill all humans once the invasion force takes over Earth: “Only the weak will die. Inefficient workers slow down production.” If that’s not the most perfectly soulless statement to make, I don’t know what is.

Easily my favorite character in this serial was the Daleks’ controller. What I like best about him is his immaculate poker face. If I hadn’t seen him rubbing plungers with the Daleks in his very first scene, I’d believe him to be one of the Good Guys, from the way he interacts with Jo and the Doctor. In a couple of ways, he reminds me of Vaughan in “The Invasion:” just calm and fascinating enough to make you believe he’s not telling you lies, even though you know for a fact that there isn’t a bone in his body that isn’t evil. To be fair to the Controller, he does possess a few bones that aren’t evil; the trick is to work out exactly which ones they are. And I do think this metaphor’s gone on far enough. Great character, great psychologist. I hope I never have to meet a man like him in my life.

One thing I want to establish briefly is the fact that Yates is on my bad list. If you haven’t been paying attention to the episodes we’ve been watching lately, faithful viewer, there are a couple of UNIT officers that we’ve been dealing with in addition to the Brigadier: Captain Yates and Sergeant Benton. They’re both good officers and they always get the job done, and frankly, I have a bit of a soft spot for Yates simply because he looks like a young Mick Jagger. However, I’m rather irritated with Yates because he stole Benton’s food in this serial while they were on stakeout together. Yates, I’m surprised at you! Of all times to steal food from your partner. I’ve know a few cops in my time, and I’ve come to learn that nowhere is food more essential than on a stakeout, and stealing food from your partner is the lowest act on a long list of low acts. You’d better pull your weight in the next serial, Yates, otherwise you and I are going to need a talk.

Stay tuned ’til next time, faithful viewer, where we get to admire a giant boar and a lot of men in short skirts…